Saturday, July 30, 2011

Retro Beauty School

When I told my mom I wanted this for my birthday I thought she was going to say it was stupid and no, but she said yes and I got to sign up for it this morning.

It's been a life long obsession to have hair like Brigitte Bardot, like the ultimate.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

If you don't have anything nice to say...

You know that expression, well let's change it to "if you don't have anything nice to blog about, don't blog at all".
That's what I'm doing, just like taking a little break from bringing everyone down down down.
Plus you don't really want to constanlty read about my personal turmoil right?
Hopefully I'll be back in the mood to blog and craft and everything soon, but I don't think I will.
I don't know, everything just like keeps getting worse and yet like I don't care.
I'm being stepped on and trwon away and treated like shit and I don't care I just want my little family and life back.
Really like that's all I want.
It's too much though.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

It was a good night

After an informative and all around good time tour at Stranahan's complete with tasting, we decided that the only thing that goes better with whiskey other than more whiskey is cake.
Do you ever watch Food Network? Do know that guy Keegan Gerhard? Well his restaurant d Bar Desserts is located in Denver so we went there for dinner and oh my God was it good.
We like way over ordered though, getting the baked mac and cheese, the soup and sandwich, the s'mo waffle, and the cake'n'shake desserts. Seriously everything was so rich and so good but so bad for you and fattening and full of carbs. Oh God and I don't think I've ever had a better Lychee martini before. It wasn't even that expensive, I think our check was like around 60 and that was with two cocktails. Going to cute little trendy places like that makes me not hate it here so much.
But then...
You will not believe what happened to me...
I was in the bathroom, and I stood up to flush, and my gauge, fell out of my ear, into the toilet, and got flushed away. WTF!!!!! There was nothing I could do, not even like a little bit, now it's just making it's way around in the Denver sewer system. They were my metal ones too, the ones that look the best, I'm really upset.
And yes I am super pissed off at Dustin, but what difference does that make right.
Killing time untill it's time to go to my house and pick up my Abbey.


Friday, July 22, 2011

Wanted

I'm not as computer blog html savvy as I would like to be I'm looking to have someone design one and include some directions on how to run, do, and manage everything.
If you would like to and can do a good job as this, please contact me and we can work something out.
lol
Thanks so much
I love you

It's like too early for this

Well apparently I have been restricted from using the Internet on my laptop by the administrator, who is my Dad, who is at work. So I can't really upload the things I was going to, crap.
It's errand day! Because even though I don't get child support yet, and even though I got kicked out of my house with our baby, and even though he doesn't have as many bills or pay the ones he does I still have to provide Dustin everything he needs to take care of Abbey this weekend. Why? Oh he can't afford it right now, lol what the fuck ever man. I', like pretty irate about this and like I really don't care too much all at the same time. The worst part is that he still owes me a hundred dollars for this pay period and my sister owes me money so I'm not broke I just don't have what I thought I would.
Idk, we've gone like three whole days without fighting about anything which is the longest time we've gone without fighting since he did this and I'm staying there Sunday night so we really can't fight until after that or it will just be like all around unpleaseant.
At least tomorrow I'm getting a break from being a forced single parent, I plan on going to Buffalo Exchange and hopefully booking a tour at Stranahan's. Oh yea, I am exciting.
Oh awesome, now I have to go get Abbey and kill my little brother because even after asking him like four times he cannot manage to keep it down while playing Xbox Live and has woken her up, that little pissant I swear to God.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

here you go

I can check my blog stats you know, I can clearly see that I have way more readers than I do followers, and that's fine I don't care lol.
Here stalk me on facebook as well.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

My birthday is in a week

Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to it.
But everyone likes presents so for my birthday I would happily accept
  1. Any and everything from Free People 
  2. These Minnetonka fringe boots
  3. Donations so that I can get this flight 

Monday, July 18, 2011

Threadscene Summer lookbook

Look Book
Ok I do actually really like this website, the clothes are cute, the prices are good but yea I'm really just entering a giveaway.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

results

Yesterday was like, totally I don't even know. I don't want to talk about it.
So anyways here are the results of what I've been doing this week.
The necklace I was working on, I'm not like totally happy with the way it turned out but it's just the first one and I didn't want to get like too crazy with embelishments.

 And the slips I was dying, also like not totally happy. I think I've mastered using fabirc dye though, always good to have a new skill.
This is probably my favorite one and also happens to be the only that fits me properly. I don't really have to boobs for the other ones, sad.

And the goodies I got at Fancy Tiger yesterday. I like to buy books on things, projects and prompts and inspirations and what not and I don't have one on felting yet.
The free goodies, stickers, buttons, a fat quater of their new logo fabric which it adorable and I wish I knew what to do with it to do it justice/ They also had a champagne toast at five, which I missed, and a table of free tasty goodies, which I didn't eat.

What started as a good day with Dustin turned really sour and I just like wasn't in the mood to do anything but cry some more so yea, that's how that went. I don't know, we came to like some agreements, so that's good.
I'm not getting anything out of this, I'm the one suffering, I'm the one doing everything and compromising on everything and not getting a sing;e damn thing back. I'd almost just rather get divorced and be done with it, but that's not practical.

I have to talk to my mom about it some more but I think I'm opening an etsy shop, whether I like it or not.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Netted Stone Necklace

Just a little peak at another Lune Vintage project I'm working on.
Just needs, well the rest of it, chain, charms, beads various other embellishments.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Crafty Crisis

This is going to be real quick.
I'm having a crafty crisis, I mostly like to do projects for around the house, wreaths, wall art, terrariums. But I feel like I can't do any right now, I go out to get the things to make something and it's just like I don't have a house and I don't have room for any of this. It sucks, I have like a list of projects that I so badly want to do and I just don't see the point in even starting them.

I'm so sad, again, good mood has worn off, lol.
What dose being separated mean to you? Because I know what it means to me and I'm hoping it means the same to Dustin because we're going to discuss just being separated, not getting divorced, on Saturday. I don't really think he's going to have the same opinion as me and we're just doing this for practical reasons but maybe he will maybe all is not lost? No it is I know that. We aren't speaking right now, because of the fight and because I don't think we should make any decisions about things this important while we're this mad.
I don't know why I bother, I don't know why I'm still hopeful, but whatever.

I don't really have a title for this.

Went to the thrift store today with the sole purpose of picking up some vintage slips and a large pot.

 As you can see, mission accomplished.
 Why the large pot you ask? Well I'm planning on dying these slips, I'm going for a Lune Vintage inspired look and it's kind of frowned upon when I use kitchen pots to mix dyes. So I bought this large white pot for the very purpose. I'll probably dye them in the next few days or so and will post pictures when I do. Wish me luck! I went and bought the dye already too, blue, purple and black which I'm planning on turning into grey.
Look at my little blogger.

So I could sit here and tell you all about the fight the Dustin and I got into this morning on the phone but like I just got off the phone with someone I haven't talked to in a really really long time and he cheered me up, so I don't want to ruin the mood I'm in by telling you what a douche Dustin is.

Monday, July 11, 2011

I've chilled out a bit

And now I feel bad for everything I've said but don't want to take it back either. I'm such a sucker lol. For reals though, I don't want this to happen, I can't just be mean to someone for no reason. Believe it or not I'm not actually like that and when I try to be all hardcore I pull it off, then feel really bad like right after.
I'm just upset I don't want this to happen but looks like I don't really have a say anymore.

Ok so now I have to go detangle my child from a ball of yarn and see if maybe she'll sit in her play pin so I can practice crochet some more.
I'm making progress.

I'm still totally in love with him but...

I am done putting up with this kind of shit and abuse. Ok I should clarify, not actual like physical abuse, he doesn't hit me. I'm talking more you know emotional, phsycological abuse.
I'm fucking done. He wants to treat me like shit? He wants to ignore me and ignore me and ignore me then be unreasonably rude to me when he finally does talk to me? Fine. He can expect nothing but the same back.
He's been stringing me along this whole fucking time, telling me he doesn't know if we're getting divorced, he doesn't know if we can work it out. Lies. All fucking lies. Oh no no no excuse me he was just saying that because he didn't want to hurt me, gee what a stand up fucking guy. That fucking scumbag, oh sure lying to me making me think there's still hope and all is not lost when it really is and there really isn't is a lot fucking better than telling the truth.
Seriously I'm so mad I'm shaking. He's making the biggest fucking mistake of his life. I did everything for him. I worked shitty jobs to support us. I gave up meals to make sure he got something to eat. I've defended him, I've lied for him, I've cut people off and given up friends for him. And what did it fucking get me? Nothing,I should have just listened to every single person, and there were a lot of them, that told me, no warned me, that he was nothing but s scummy loser and that he would do this to me eventually. But no I was fucking stupid and I listened to him. How many more times can he really do this to someone? How many dumb girls will fall for it? Now that he has two kids he never sees and an ex-wife at twenty fucking four years old? Who fucking dose that?
He's made a total fucking moron out of me. I look so stupid sitting here still saying I love him and hoping things get better, clinging to everything he said that was positive hoping maybe he'll see. But he won't, he'll do this, he'll ruin our life and not even look back till it's too late. And for what? For nothing that's what.
Fucking loser.
I'm pretty hot you know, I'm thinner now than I was before I had our child, I'm funny, I'm smart, I'm creative and supportive, I've put up with all his bullshit for three years. Does he really think he can do better? Dose he really think he can find anyone that knows him better, that loves and cares about him more, that he can put up with for more than two months?
What's the worst part? I love him, I love him more than anything in the world (except for Abbey obviously) and I would like jump with fucking glee if he said we could work this out. So whose the real fucking loser right? I still love him, God I sound so fucking pathetic. What can I do about that? I can't change how I feel, he can but sorry I can't. I can't just wake up one day ignore everything we've ever been through, everything we went through to be together, everything we have and our child and just be like hhmm you know what I just don't feel like being married anymore sorry.
God, even more sad than that is that he's coming to spend the day with us this Saturday and I'm still delusional hoping he'll see what a fucking mistake he's making. He's made a huge fucking mess, made a huge fucking fuss and just doesn't want to admit he's wrong. Goddammit I'm so mad.
Ugh please excuse me, my language and ranting I just had to get it all out.
Maybe I can post something not so Lifetime movie scorned sounding later lol.
I love Dustin, because I'm fucking retarded, but what a fucking loser he turned out to be.
Ok I'm done.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Crafty Books

I've gone to Barnes and Noble two days a row just sitting in the art section trying to decide which of these books to buy. I still haven't bought one yet, I can't decide.

I love Martha Stewart her projects are all so simple and clean looking, but I don't know if I would actually do enough of the projects to justify buying such a large hard cover book,

I love Star Wars, I love crafting this should be a no brainer right? The thing is some of the projects are cute like the AT-AT planter (second picture down on the right) made from card board scraps and duct tape and then some of the projects like the Yoda plush and the holiday wreath (not pictured) are like kind of crappy looking. So crappy looking that I wonder why they chose to photograph that on to put in the book.
This is actually the one I'm leaning to the most some of the projects are kind of ugly looking but that can be changed to fit your aesthetic. I love the "Butterflies Under Glass" project and all the "modern art" projects as well. But I don't know if I have a home to decorate right now do I?
hahaha oh goodness my life is ridiculous.

I didn't buy any of them yet, instead I went to American Eagle and got a super cute tank and eep a crop top. I don't know if I'm like comfortable enough with my weight to actually wear it alone but I've tried layering it a bunch of ways since I got home and it still looks cute. I love American Eagle, I'm not too cool for mainstream brands, I don't care. What? You want to fight about it, cause I'll take you down sucka.

Also this is really random and I'm not going to make a big fuss about it or anything but I really want breast implants. While I was pregnant and after while I was still breast feeding I was a full C and it suited me, since then and losing 22lbs they've shrunk down to a B again. I don't want huge boobs and I don't want to be fat to have bigger ones so implants is the way to go. This is of course way way off in the future, it's not like I'm in any position to seriously think about this now.

Ambitions

I dream of having an organized, decorated, lovely lovely craft room. Currently at my house I have more of a craft corner, all my supplies are organized on these two cute little white vintage tables I found at Goodwill and boxes from Ikea. I have to drag things from the shelves to the dining table or coffee table or just work on the floor which is the easiest but like killer on my back. Since I'm at my parents house right now and my three year old sister Kody it out of town, my tiny bit of craft stuff is sitting on the floor and shoved under the bed.
All I want is a cute craft room, where I can tell Dustin to watch the baby, shut the door and get some serious shit done. Before I got pregnant I had one, our house has two bedrooms and Dustin unlike most guys that say they need an office or a workshop or "man-cave", he said he wanted me to use it for that very purpose. See, he really is a great guy when he's not being such a colossal douche bag. When I or we, (you never know) finally someday move into a house with three bedrooms and a garage I will get my craft room and Dustin will get his workshop and start restoring classic cars. That's all he really wants out of life.
Here are some one's that I'm hardcore envious of-
Source
Where do I start? What's not to love? The colors, the beautiful furniture, the organization, the ribbon shelf?
Ok Ok I do love the clean organization of this but even more I love the shelf of Blythe Dolls!!! I've wanted one of these for years now and despite my efforts to get someone to buy me one for my birthday or Christmas my mom and Dustin both insist that they "are too expensive to buy for a 21 year old".
Blah Blah Blah

I don't even have words for this.
This would be an improvement but I don't have closets like this.

Since we live in Military Housing, I'll pause so you can all feel bad for me because I live in the Projects, we do have a big walk-in storage closet for all Dustin's gear, I could move in there.
But oh wait that's right, it has no windows, or outlets, or an AC vent and it's full of Dustin's gear.

Friday, July 8, 2011

I just got caught in a hail storm

I was coming out of WalMart and all of a sudden it was this huge rain/hail storm. It was like totally out of nowhere and I got totally soaked and I was doing everything I could to hurry and keep Abbey dry and warm. Then it was over, as soon as I got in my car.
Once again, my laptop for some reason is not letting me post pictures of anything and it's driving me crazy. so use your imagination.
Yesterday, after much debate over whether or not it was worth the money I finally purchased Martha Stewart's Tissue Paper Flower Bouquet Kit. This will show you just what it is and I found the directions on there a little better than the ones that actually came with the kit. I was hoping to post pictures of the flowers I have done so far, it's taking quite a bit longer than I thought. I'm having to do it like in the dark and super slowly while Abbey sleeps.
I really miss having help goddammit.
Today I decided that I am going to learn to crochet and avidly start yarn bombing the world. The only things is, I don't know how to crochet, I don't know anyone that knows how and I'm not really good with written instructions. So this should be fun.
And now Abbey's woken up from her nap so I can't start that venture and now have to type with her in my lap.
One more thing yesterday Dustin and I were having a text conversation, kind of fighting but not really, and then I just asked him point blank "Are we getting divorced?" a few minutes went by so I asked again "Like for real are we?" another few minutes went by and still no response so I then said "I don't know if you're busy or just don't want to answer but you didn't say yes so I'm taking this as a good sign. I'm not going to text you anymore because I don't want to piss you off so I love you good night." I don't know if he got really busy (he's like doing ranges and stuff for like weeks not, well that's what he says I think I believe him though) and just couldn't answer me but like normally he tells me hey I can't talk anymore or I gotta go so I think he just didn't want to answer. Which I have to take as a good sign because a week ago a few days ago he was saying we were and all this other mean shit. even the other day I asked him if I should just feel totally stupid for hoping this is going to happen and if I should just give up and he said no, so like that's good right?
The only thing is like I keep catching him in lies, not big lies, just stupid stuff that like why would you lie about right? I will say that there are all old lies from when things were really bad, just things like where he really went to eat and how much money he really took out. I told him that if we decide to work this out he has to come clean about everything he's ever lied about and as long as it's not terrible I'll forgive him for it. I've already forgiven him for all the awful things he's said to me out of anger so what's a little bit more? I feel like I sound really stupid and maybe so but I don't want to get divorced so as long as he hasn't done anything like cheated on me (which he insists he hasn't and says that if he was he'd tell me because he has no reason to lie because he's the one that "wants" this) or like I don't know killed someone or like is a crime boss on the side I can get over it.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

I'm attending

I love this store, I knew about it for like a year and never managed to make it there despite numerous times trying then finally we got a GPS and now I go about once a month or more. It's where I learned how to needle felt and embroidery techniques. They offer different classes everyday of the week, host a weekly open craft night and Denver's Holiday Handmade craft show. They have the cutest fabrics, buttons, embroidery patterns and a great book selection.
Plus Fancy Tiger Clothing is right across the street!
I can't wait to go.

Arrrgh National Geographic Pirates Exhibit

The other day I went with Mom, Austin and took Abbey to see Nat Geo Real Pirates exhibit. I can honestly say it was way way better than the King Tut  exhibit. 
It was all about pirate life in general but followed the story of the ill-fated Sam Bellamy, his crew, including the nine year old runaway John King, his ship the Wyndah, pirate life in general, amd myths. It's worth it to see if it you know comes to a town near you.
source
source
Hendrick Quintor, John King, Sam Bellamy and John Julian.
source
There's this whole like three room model like you're actually on the ship. It also has a little black bag in the corner that's labeled piss pot, which seesms dumb to me like just pee over the side ride?

The exhibit also contains the only actual pirate treasure ever found, and you get to touch some of it so like that's kind of cool.
Common pirate myths.
1. There was no buried treasure, they didn't bury it they kept it on board and then when they docked  they split it up equally, (super equally who knew pirates were so honorable) and like spent it on rum and hookers? Ok I don't actually know that I'm just assuming.
2. Guess what no buried treasure means? That's right, no treasure maps. Why would you need a map to something that's on board right.
3. They didn't make anyone walk planks, they just threw people off the side.
Did you know that when pirates were prosocuted they were hanged and then covered in tar and put in these like full body cages called Giblets and then hoist up and a pole and left to rot as a warning to other pirates? Harsh.
source

It was pretty good. I'm really looking forward to seeing Pompeii when it finally comes around.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

At least they can't get worse

Ok so on the plus side, a few days ago I made the decision not to make anything worse, I know I know I've said it like a thousand times, and I haven't been and we've actually been able to talk without him yelling at me or me crying so that's good. On the bummer side, I knew and I told him that if we didn't talk about it and if we didn't make some decisions that my parents we're going to get fed up with me just sitting at their house and they would step in and take over...so that's awesome. I was like kind of able to hold them off for a while and I'm bringing Abbey down next Tuesday so he can see her and am still holding on to the hope that things will get better if they stop getting worse and if they don't well then I hope we can come to an arrangement cause he can't afford to do this and he certainly can't afford what's going to come of it,.
I hate saying things like that by the way, but what other choice do I have? Really I just want all this shit to stop stop stop and things to be ok ok ok.
So there's that update.

Other things that have been going on?
Well the other day I fell on some rocks and totally busted up my face, that's why I'm not posting pictures. It hurts like hell and looks really bad, but it looks better everyday.
Abbey's started baby food a few times a day with formula, and she's just about to sit up on her own but like she would much rather skip that and just start crawling, so she works a lot harder on that.
I've decided to give up on my dreams of pastry, which totally sucks but I'm just going to go off and get one of those two year degrees that pays ridiculously well. Which is kind of selling out but like I have a baby to think about and sh matters more than like owing a cute little vegan bakery that also sells crafts and local veggies. Oh my goodness I just got really sad I don't want to give up my dream!!! I'll do it eventually but like right now this is what's best for us. Like even if I get the outcome that I want out of Dustin I'm still going to go this route I mean hello I'll be 22 on the 26th but that's not old or dead and I can still go to pastry school some day.
Mom, Austin, Kody and Austin's friend Maddie are all about to leave for Texas, like in an hour, and Conner, Abbey, Dad and I are all staying here. Awkward much? I can't go, for one thing I have no way to get there and for another I just like can't deal with my family right now you know? And I have to go see Dustin next week, and I really REALLY need to go get Abbey's birth certificate and like some other things that I can't put off anymore so we're not going.
I've been writing in the five year journal everyday for like over a month.
And now I'm really really bored so I feel a thrift store trip coming on, maybe I'll have pictures of that to post tomorrow or something.

But can you tell I'm feeling a little better?